My dynamic with alcohol is one of guilt, mitigation and self-betterment. I come from a long line of abusers and have perpetuated its hurt myself while rejecting the idea that family members' alcoholism is my cross to bare. I will genuinely enjoy a scotch with my wife or a rye and water with a meal out - that first sip sends waves of heat to every nerve endings, satisfying a generational craving.
One beer and I wake up depressed. I remained ignorant in its connection for two and a half decades. With this awareness, I garnered intention. I could choose a pint with its social advantages, accept the impending thoughts and attempt to detach from the mental weight. Whatever emotion would arise the following day, I could sit with slightly easier knowing that it was induced.
Nonetheless, the lingering blues encouraged regular attempts at self-restraint.
There actually isn't any proof of Hemingway's over-romanticized quote that one should "write drunk" and "edit sober" as it is attributed. By writing sober, I touch on confidence. By creating in the absence of substances a clarity comes through. I subscribe to the mystery of the process and experience it deeper, as if temperance is a prerequisite. This isn't to say masterpieces haven't been created under the influence of the most consuming of substances, just that mine won't be.
I just passed 400 days alcohol-free. It isn't the longest I've gone without but its the closest I've felt to permanence. In fighting the tendency to over-examine myself as my 40th birthday draws near, this sits alone.
I would like to lessen its importance.
Thank you to those that have been following along, sharing my writing, encouraging others to subscribe - it all goes a long way. I’ve been throwing myself into this space with the launching of the subscription tiers a few weeks ago. I have another storyline revealing itself for those who have been able to support - but I’m going to continue contributing pieces that are accessible to all.
With the mics fired up last week, I riffed out a few thoughts that ended up being sent out to paid subscribers. I called it “Check-in on the Base”. Another went out today.
I saw a few one month subscriptions come in. Super cool. I’m in the early stages of building value but for those that are interested in poking their head in the door, I have the third instalment to my series “Where Have All My Horses Gone?” coming shortly.
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